Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.~ Albert Einstein
We all think we know what positive self-esteem is… but how do you get more of it? How do you know if yours is low and if so, what to do about it?
What is self-esteem? (And what happens if you don't have it?)
Self-esteem “breeds confidence, competence, a willingness to take chances, an ability to sick up for oneself, a healthy respect for others, and a sense of responsibility. Such traits are clearly desirable for personal success and social acceptability”(Brody, 1991). While “lack of self-esteem is associated with depression, anxiety, hostility, undue indifference, difficulty in adapting to new circumstances and reluctance to make an effort” (Brody, 1991).
Where does it come from?
Positive self-esteem is not an innate characteristic. We are not born with it; instead, we develop it from what we have learned. As infants we begin to form our perceptions of the world around us and of ourselves. According to Dr. Marvin Gottlieb, infants crave attention and need to be responded to. If an adult does not respond, an infant’s perception of the world becomes unfavorable. Toddlers who are pushed to excel or measure up against others developmentally learn that, as individuals, they are not good enough. Usually those individuals feel inferior about their shortcomings. In adolescence, the foundation that parents have built is tested, shaken, and challenged. Those who possess a strong sense of themselves face challenges succesfully and are able to push through difficult situations. On the other hand, those who possess an unstable foundation have a harder time dealing with upsets and failures.
Assessing your self-esteem
One of the most popular ways researchers determine self-esteem is through the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (1965). Take the questionnaire below to assess your self-esteem.
Instructions: Below is a list of statements dealing with your general feelings about yourself. If you strongly agree, note SA. If you agree with the statement, note A. If you disagree, note D. If you strongly disagree, note SD.
1. On the whole, I am satisfied with myself.
2.* At times, I think I am no good at all.
3. I feel that I have a number of good qualities.
4. I am able to do things as well as most other people.
5.* I feel I do not have much to be proud of.
6.* I certainly feel useless at times.
7. I feel that I’m a person of worth, at least on an equal plane with others.
8.* I wish I could have more respect for myself.
9.* All in all, I am inclined to feel that I am a failure.
10. I take a positive attitude toward myself.
Scoring: SA=3, A=2, D=1, SD=0. Items with an asterisk are reverse scored, that is, SA=0, A=1, D=2, SD=3. Sum the scores for the 10 items. The higher the score, the higher ones self esteem.
Enhancing Your Self-Esteem
Although there are always limitations to self-repot questionnaires, Rosenberg's scale measures one's view of themselves from a global standpoint. Self-esteem may vary from situation to situation, but how you view yourself overall may impact many areas of your life. If you scored low on the above assessment, there are things you can do to improve your self-perception.
Think about these suggestions and how they can be applied to your life:
1. Consider Where Your Views Originated. Dveloping an understanding of yourself not only helps you become more aware of how you process situations, but it also enables you to be mindful of your own thoughts -- and make positive changes if necessary.
2. Learn Positive Self-Talk. Change your self-perceptions by replacing your own negative messaging with positive ones.
3. Practice Self-Care. Join self-help groups, learn to make new lifestyle choices (Gross, 2006).
4. Experience Your Feelings. Try to feel your feelings in order to identify needs. respect how you feel and learn to rely on what you want, need, and believe (Gross, 2006).
5. End Black & White Thinking. Find balance in thought "think in shades of gray"s of gray”. Learn to interpret meanings and events in a positive way and open yourself to new opportunities (Gross, 2006).
7. Practice Being Assertive. Learn to express what you need, think, feel, and want. Be direct and honest with those around you (Gross, 2006).
8. Listen to Others. Listen to what others are saying and repeat them back, learn to be neutral in concern and hear concerns of others without becoming defensive (Gross, 2006).
9. Accept Who You Are. Self-acceptance is the key to finding happiness within yourself, and confidence in who you are.
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