Self-Sabotaging Behaviors

“Self-sabotaging behavior results from the same cause, a misguided attempt to rescue ourselves.”

--- Edward Shelby 

Many of us strive every day to better ourselves, reach for higher successes, and move towards greater pursuits. However, there are times when we may find that we are getting in our own way of taking the next step or completing the task at hand. Self-sabotaging behaviors, which hinder forward progress, vary from person to person.  Self-sabotaging can appear in many forms: procrastination, over-exercising, comfort eating, self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, impulsive shopping, or (less commonly) self-injurious behaviors.  Although these behaviors differ in the degree to which they are physically harmful, they all act as obstacles to our progress.

        Most self-defeating behaviors are enacted as coping mechanisms that allow us to escape uncomfortable emotions.  When people are faced with unpleasant situations without effective coping tools, they may be drawn to those behaviors. For a short period of time, the behaviors may distract from uncomfortable feelings and lessen an emotional burden. Rather than dealing with the situation that is upsetting, sitting with uncomfortable feelings, and questioning where the feelings are coming from, some people attempt to suppress negative emotions by turning to the pleasures of food, the mood-altering states of drugs, and even to the pain from self-injurious behaviors. These tactics seem to lessen the degree of emotional overload in the moment, but in the long run, these tactics have grave consequences.

         People often do not understand what they are doing to themselves or recognize their behavior as self-sabotaging. In truth, it is hard to recognize an association between the behaviors and the long-term result because the consequences are not always immediate. For example, Becky finds out that she has a term paper due the next day and that it is worth half of her grade. This news sends her into a mode of panic and anxiety, and she becomes overly upset. In an effort to calm herself and distract from her overwhelming sense of anxiety, she mindlessly turns to food. Without conscious awareness, she finds that she has just eaten an entire bag of cookies in one sitting. While this might not be problematic if it happens on a rare occasion, frequent overeating can lead to weight gain, health consequences, depression, and body dissatisfaction. Without any other tools to cope, Becky enacted an immediate and unconscious response to stress and anxiety, which in the long term will impair her overall health and well-being.

         Although those behaviors may distract from uncomfortable feelings and often feel right in the moment, we must consciously connect them to their long-term effects. Changing the course of self-sabotaging behaviors takes practice, effort, and time... but it is well worth it.  Taking the time to understand your behaviors will deepen your own self-understanding. The first step to change is having a desire; no one changes unless they are willing and ready to do so. The next step begins with recognizing those behaviors which have become unhealthy and self-sabotaging.  This is usually done with the assistance of a trained and experienced counselor or coach. With help, it is possible to recognize the cues that lead to self-sabotaging and make a conscious effort to implement newly-learned coping tools and change previous patterns. Over time, with practice and effort, old behaviors become a thing of the past and are replaced with newer, healthier patterns.

As we always say, it is not as helpful to focus on the behavior as it is to focus on feelings that trigger the behavior. Once you deal with the real issues, behaviors are no longer our enemy.