The Effect of Assumption on Communication

The Effect of Assumption on Communication

“Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you are willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life”--Brian Tracy

When we are forming opinions about others, we are affected not only by their behavior, but also by our own past. Often our previous experiences lead to assumptions about who people are, what they think, what they need and/ or want. Because this is such an automatic process, we do not recognize how our perceptions and views of situations affect how we connect with and relate to others. As a result, we may let our own thoughts, perceptions, and feelings distort how we interpret someone’s statements without first taking the time to understand or grasp what was actually being said. 

Assuming limits our opportunity for curiosity, openness, clarity, and true understanding. For example, imagine you are sitting with a friend who says they could really use some help because, they are going through a hard time.  You know what “help” means to you, and what you are looking for when you ask for help during a difficult time. But what does “ help” mean to someone else?. Often we assume we understand what someone wants or needs, only to find they needed something else. Our decisions may be based on our own preconceived notions rather than what the other person is actually looking for.

Take an outsider’s perspective and looking closely at yourself and your interactions., How often do you find yourself in these situations? So what is the solution? Ask questions. Although the concept sounds simple, the action may take a great deal of effort when we recognize how deeply ingrained our habit of unconscious assumption is. Here are some ways to start taking a step towards communication without assuming:

1.Practice makes perfect. Take every opportunity to practice your new curiosity.

2.Questioning is the art of understanding. Ask questions like: What does that mean to you? How does that affect you? Why do you feel that way?

3.Take your understanding to a deeper level. Ask with curiosity, stay open, and try to understand the perspectives of others and where they come from without judgment. Learn to love differences and unique perspectives; it’s what makes us who we are.

4.Don’t impose your opinion. You may have thoughts about situations and how others handle them, but try not to tell people what they should and shouldn’t do. Instead, help them come to their own conclusions about situations by asking questions.

5.Listen. Let the other person know that they have been heard. Before you respond with your own point of view, reflect back to the person what you have heard them say. Even though you might not agree with their perspective, let them know that you have understood it.

6.Take a risk. If you don’t know the answer, just ask. It is, better to ask than to assume something that is inaccurate which may lead to misunderstandings or conflicts.