Thinking Styles

Although we may not even be aware of it, we all have a style of thinking -- a style that ultimately affects the way we view our world and ourselves. In general, we notice what is consistent with the way we think; if we think positively, we are more likely to notice positive things around and inside us, and if we think negatively, we are more likely to notice the negative things about ourselves and others. (Need proof? Think about how many things bother you when you're in a bad mood that otherwise seem like not such a big deal.)

Fortunately, we can alter our style of thinking.
Here are some examples of defeating and constructive thoughts about the same situation.

Defeating (All-or-nothing thinking): "I really messed that up! I'm never going to try that again!"
Constructive: "I didn't do that perfectly, but next time I'll know what to do differently."

Defeating (Disqualifying the positive): "Their compliments don't count; they're just trying to make me feel better and don't mean what they say."
Constructive: "I'm glad someone pointed that out to me."

Defeating (Mind reading): "I just know she's mad at me -- that's why she has that angry look on her face."
Constructive: "She looks upset. I think I'll ask her if anything is wrong."

Defeating (Should statement): "I should have done a better job."
Constructive: "I wish I'd done a better job, but I made a choice to focus energy on something else."

Defeating (Labeling): "I'm such a jerk for saying that."
Constructive: "That just popped out of my mouth! Next time I'll think before I speak."

With so many things in our lives that we can't control, it may be helpful to know that we do have an ability to change the way we think. Practice this skill and see how you feel about yourself.