I'm 95% there... but the 5% is keeping me down

In this high-pressure, fast-paced environment of Northern Virginia, it’s easy to focus on all of the things I’m not doing. I have three academic degrees, three beautiful children moving on to college, and a successful business – but I still beat myself up for the things I haven’t done.

I forget to give myself credit. If 95% of my life is what I have accomplished, then I dwell on the other 5%. It feels defeating and unfulfilling. My family, friends, and colleagues see it differently – why can’t I?

Worse yet, my personal judgment can hold me back from working on my next goal. When I’m feeling upset over what’s not there and bogged down with thoughts of “not enough,” I don’t have the energy to focus on the tasks ahead.

So how do I get unstuck and overcome my “5%” thinking? It starts with a few simple mindset changes that give me a new, more positive and powerful perspective.

1. Remind yourself of the 95% every single day – with no ifs, ands, or buts.

Make a list of your accomplishments and put it somewhere you see regularly – the bathroom mirror, your refrigerator door, the screensaver on your desktop.

We can be quick to qualify our successes and let the 5% creep back in:

“Yes, but it wasn’t that big of a deal…”

“If only I’d finished this part as well…”

“I didn’t really do that well on it…”

Eliminate those thoughts from your list. This is about all the things you’ve done – be proud!

2. Set smart, positive goals. 

Many of us have heard of SMART goals – specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely. I’d like to add one more – positive.

Instead of basing your goals around negative thoughts of not being enough, phrase them in positive ways:

“I’m going to exercise more because I love being active.”

“I’m going to study for this certification so I can help others with my new skills.”

“I’m going to make a healthy breakfast today to give myself more energy.”

As you come up with your positive goals, start adding the SMART pieces in as well. Set up small steps and track your progress.

3. Be realistic about what success looks like.

Success is hardly ever linear. Most of the time, we end up taking a very long, winding road from start to finish. Staying the course can be challenging.

It’s important to pace yourself on your journey and find ways to get back on track after a stumble:

“I need a break. Time for a massage / lunch with a friend / walk around the block / etc.”

“I forgot to get that done. That’s okay, I’ll do what I can do now.”

“I need help getting started. Let me call my friend for a fresh perspective.”

Remind yourself that sometimes you need to take a step backwards before you can move forward again.

4. There will always be a 5%.

There will always be something you haven’t done yet. We never reach the end of our “to do” lists.

Instead of trying to get everything done, select the goals that are important to you and let go of the rest:

“I’m skipping this opportunity so that I can spend time with my family.”

“Even though it will require some time and money, I’m attending this new course because I’m passionate about the subject.”

“I’m letting go of these old goals because my interests have changed.”

Only you can decide what’s the right choice for you. Trust yourself – you’ve got this!