A House Full of Learning Opportunities

My daughter and I spent spring break looking at colleges. I’ve done this before with my sons, but it’s still hard to let go. I want to do something, anything, to make sure my kids are okay when they enter the world on their own.

But my daughter and I have spent years preparing for this moment: independence. Both of us have taken small steps – I’ve given her more responsibilities and she’s made efforts to learn – that have led us to be ready. I trust that she’ll be okay and can handle what comes her way, and she trusts that, too.

I nostalgically remember all the pink socks and destroyed meals that got us to this point. My kids learned to cook through making dinners – some creatively delicious, others destined for the garbage disposal. Learning to do laundry has led to some pink socks periodically. My kids were allowed to have friends visit after mowing the lawn and picking up the living room.

These may seem like small things, but including my kids in household chores has taught them to learn by doing even (especially) when they make mistakes. That’s an invaluable skill in developing independence. I’ve encouraged them to find their own unique ways to approach the little things so that they can use the same approach with the big things.

I often see the opposite situation in my work. Parents want to take care of their kids, provide everything they need, and make sure everything goes smoothly. All of these are natural instincts, but when parents hover and take charge of their kids’ lives, problems develop. Kids don’t learn to do things for themselves so they rely on their parents. Sometimes they becoming “pleasers” that feel compelled to do what their parents want instead of expressing their own personalities. When it’s time for them to go to college, they struggle to live independently of their family, unsure not just of what to do but how to figure out new situations. This can result in anxiety, depression, and failure to launch.

I encourage parents to give their kids opportunities to learn early and often. Even small things like letting my daughter pick out her own clothes provided important experiences. Sure, she may pick mismatched socks, ripped jeans, or pajama pants, but it gives her the chance to figure out who she is and what works for her. If she learns to do that with small things, then she can do that with bigger things like choosing a college or career. We’ve been building towards this moment for eighteen years, and nothing makes me happier than to know that she’s ready.

Are you ready to learn more about being a Strong Supportive Parent? Join us for our upcoming Strong Supportive Parents Class to learn how you can help your child succeed in this high-pressure world. In just 8 weekly sessions, you'll learn:

• Communication skills to break down defensiveness and withdrawal
• Connection skills to build your child's self-esteem and confidence
• Commitment skills to promote healthy behaviors and choices

Classes start soon! Contact us today for more information.