How My Daughter Started Cleaning Her Room

My daughter’s room used to look like a typical teenager’s room – in other words, a complete mess. The “clean your room or I’ll take your phone away” types of punishments motivated her to keep it clean for a day or two, but inevitably it returned to a frustrating state of messiness and the process repeated over and over.

One day I was walking through the kitchen and saw her creating a beautiful piece of art. I admired the picture and offered to buy a frame so she could hang it in her room.

“Are there other decorating changes you’d like to make to personalize your space?”

Soon she was off and running, a whole redesign in the works. She painted walls, rearranged furniture, and added pictures. And since then, she’s done a great job of keeping her room clean. She owns her space proudly.

It’s tempting to correct our kids’ bad behaviors using punishments like taking their phones away. It often works in the short-term. Finding long-term solutions is a bit harder. Here are some tips to get you started:

Be present in your child’s everyday life.

Does your child feel heard and respected? Negative behavior often starts as a plea for attention. Become a presence in your child’s life every day, even if it’s just a quick check-in at bedtime asking how things are going.

Tell your child how well he or she is doing.

Self-esteem isn’t something we inherit or develop spontaneously. Remind your children how valuable they are on a regular basis. It’s like making small deposits in a self-esteem bank – it adds up slowly and steadily. When your children feel valued and connected to you, they are more likely to respond positively when you ask them to do something.

Give your child opportunities to voice an opinion.

"Where do you want to go for our family vacation?" "How do you want to decorate your room?" "What would you like to make for dinner?" Giving your child a voice in family affairs creates a sense of inclusion and ownership. Your son or daughter will be more motivated to participate and keep things running well if they have a stake in the outcome.

Have questions? Stuck on a specific issue? Join us for our upcoming Strong Supportive Parents Class to learn how to help your child succeed in this high-pressure world. In just 8 weekly sessions, you’ll learn supportive skills including:

• Communication skills to break down defensiveness and withdrawal
• Connection skills to build your child’s self-esteem and confidence
• Commitment skills to promote healthy behaviors and choices

Classes start soon! Contact us today for more information.